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ErikStenger

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Mar 12, 2008
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Euro Street Signs Overlaid With Erotic Stories

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The Biggest, Most Awesome Automotive Fail EVER

Engine removal from a truck should never be as hard as these guys made it out to be. However, it makes for one of the best (and worst) automotive fails ever caught on camera.

Apparently everything was going fine. The engine was hoisted and out of the way. A tow rig was in place and hooked up to pull the now heartless patient off the table. But there was one thing they forgot to do which became increasingly obvious as the tow rig pulled. Damn speedometer cables always messin' up our s#!t!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDp2i7uNBes
 
This sewage pumper truck, spotted in Florida, is wearing a sign on the back which can only be described as sadly true.

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AutoZone Customer Takes Matters Into His Own Hands After 45 Minutes On Hold

Buying parts from AutoZone is often a lesson in anger management and a battle against incompetence. James, an AutoZone customer, attempted to purchase Ford 9" axle seals, but 45 minutes on hold forced his hand.

This is the kind of story which makes us pine for the old days of the neighborhood parts store with clerks who knew by heart the part number for valve seals from a GM 235 inline six and had a set in a shelf in the back. Here, our hero, James, regales us with a tale of inconceivably bad service; A 45 minute period on hold where he decided to get in the car, drive down to the store, and figure out what the hell was going on that made it so difficult for them to quote him a price for his seals. This is his story:

So I got an event coming up at the local track...should be a fairly fun event and I want to take the truck out. Well....a few weeks ago, due to my own stupidity, I blew my hub seals on my rear end...and due to me catching the fucking flu...and other shit...I never got around to fixing them. So this is the week OF and I need the damn seals, right?
So I call up AutoZone:

"Thank you for calling AutoZone, how can I help you?"
"Yeah, I'm looking for axle seals of a ford 9" rear end..."
"Oooh. umm...hold on a second...." and he puts me on hold.

....15 minutes later...someone ELSE picks up...

"...umm thank you for calling AutoZone, who are you holding for?"
"I'm holding for someone to help me find some axle seals..."
"Oh.. ummm. Huh.. hold on a second." and HE puts me on hold.

...10 minutes in, I'm getting pissed and I decide that this is a battle of wills. Them waiting for me to hang up....me waiting for them to get tired of the phone beeping and to pick up.

...10 MORE minutes....and I can feel my will about to give in completely to anger. FUCK THIS! While STILL on hold, I jump in my daily driver and drive my ass up to the AutoZone I'm on hold with!

I get there about 10 minutes later...and there's 4 fuckers working...and like two people shopping...and one of them hits me up instantly:

"Welcome to AutoZone, how can I help you?"
...as I walk behind their counter to look for their phone...

"Yeah....do you have someone on hold right now?"
"Uh excuse me?"
...I point at the blinking, beeping phone...
"DO...YOU...HAVE...SOMEONE...ON...HOLD...RIGHT...NOW!?"
"Uhh...I guess so."
"You guess so?? Let me help you. You DO have someone on hold...ME! I've been on hold for 45 fucking minutes! What in the HELL is THAT all about?? Can you give me one good reason why you've had me on hold for almost a fucking hour??"
"Well...uhh..I mean....uhhh...I was waiting for him (he points) to pick up.."
"He DID pick up...and put me right the fuck back on hold!"

"Uuhh..err....ahh...ummm..."
"Don't give me any bullshit about how busy you are...there's no one fucking in here! If my fucking question was simply too difficult for you, TELL me."
"Well...what do you need sir?"
"What I needed was axle seals...but what I need NOW is to talk to YOUR fucking manager."
"Yes sir."...and scampers off to get El Jefe....
Manager: "Yes sir, what seems to be the problem?"

...I tell him, "....and I'm STILL on hold!" That's right...I still haven't hung up...

He looks at the phone....picks it up...and says, "Uhh Autzone, may I help you?"
I yell into MY phone, "IT'S ME FUCKER!!!" He jumps and hangs up.
"I'm hoping that isn't your policy here! That if you CAN'T answer the question, just put the person on hold until they hang up?"
"Uh no sir!"
"Well lets see if y'all CAN help me...now that I'm here."
He goes over to the computer...

I tell him, "I need axle seals for a 31 spline ford 9" rear end."
"What's it out of?"
"Hell...i don't know? Almost any 70s ford truck I'm sure."
"Well I need to know what it's out of."
"I do not know..."
"Well what's it in now?"
"That's not gonna help you."
"Sure it is"
"No...it won't. There's no way to search for the rear end?"
"No...so what's it in?"
"A 2001 CHEVY SILVERADO ok?? Does THAT help???"
"No."
"See?"

He connected me with someone at another AutoZone that actually WAS helpful...and I went over there to get the parts...
 
Woman Calls 911 Because She's Locked In Her Car

A woman in Kissimmee, Florida called 911 because she couldn't get the car started and was locked inside. And by "locked inside" we mean unfathomably stupid and unresourceful.

The unidentified woman called emergency dispatch last Sunday when she determined her car would not start and she was "trapped" inside, parked at the Walgreens. It was getting hot in there after all. The dispatcher (who no-doubt, stood up and looked around to make sure the department jokester wasn't on the other end) calmly asked the woman if she had pulled the lock release mechanism, which she had not, and then directed the woman to pull the door handle. Surprise! Freedom!

In many ways, this whole event is an allegory for our modern, entertainment-saturated and information-bereft culture. She was literally a prisoner of her own ignorance.
 
Norwegian Couple Nabbed For High Speed Sex

Norwegian police arrested a motoring couple after observing them engaged in high-speed hanky-panky in their Mazda 323.

Police spotted the car, speeding at 133 KPH in a 100 KPH zone, and after a kilometer in pursuit they noted the car swerving back and forth as the 22-year-old woman was straddling the 28-year-old man, the two doin' the nasty. After pulling the dirty duo over at a service station, officers seized the man's driving license. He now faces huge fines for reckless driving. When the case goes to court it should be an open and shut proceeding, as the police recorded the carnal activities with their dash cam for use as "evidence" later on.
 
How Not To Pull Your Jeep Out Of The Mud

There isn't much we can say here. Honestly, we're a little speechless. There is so much Fail in this video, it's a wonder nobody was seriously injured removing this Jeep from the mud. Diesel lovers everywhere will love this clip, while Jeep lovers will shed a tear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJA3J--g_yI
 
Cat Blamed For Madison, Wisconsin SUV Accident

A Wisconsin driver who sped through a stop sign at 75 MPH, lost control, hit a tree, flipped over and hit a second tree now blames a cat for the accident.

A police officer observing the intersection in Madison, Wisconsin observed local resident Scott T. Arnold blow through the stop sign far in excess of the posted speed limit. He started to give chase, but Arnold lost control and crashed on the next corner. Apprehended after trying to flee on foot, Arnold tried to explain the entire incident by saying he was "just trying to avoid hitting a cat."

Arnold now faces charges for drunk driving, failing to stop at a stop sign and speeding. No word on the cat.

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Monkey + Mini Bike = Priceless Hours Of Fun

We don't know how to better explain the awesomeness of this video depicting a monkey riding a mini bike other than to say we want one now and where the hell can we get it? This little guy is so full of win, it's not even funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZlLcGEFde8
 
Red Six, standing by... and preparing to lock mullet into attack position for engaging Death Stadium.

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