Now, you'll probably want to print this out and tape it to your dash for easy reference. Enjoy:

Acura:
All Customers Undergo Repair Anxiety

Alfa-Romeo:
All Loosely Fitted Accessories Remain On Motorway Enraging Others

Aston Martin:
Anglophiles Seek To Own, Now Many Are Really Trashy, I Notice

Audi:
Aging, Unfulfilled Dentists' Investment
Attention: User Doesn't Indicate!

Bentley:
British Excess Needs To Leave Everywhere, Yesterday

BMW:
(for) Bitchy Men, Women
Big Money Wasted
Bring Mama's Wallet

Bugatti:
"Bangin' Underground Gangsta Attitude" Trumps Techy Image

Buick:
Big, Underpowered, Impressing China Keenly
Bearing Unimpressive I4s, Current as Kennedy

Cadillac:
Can American Designers Invent Lovely Lines? Apparently, Can't.

Chevrolet:
Cheap Heaps: Expect Very Routine Owner Letdowns, Excessive Trouble

Chrysler:
Can Hear Revs, Yet Sense Little Engine Reaction

Citr?en:
Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutter

Dacia:
(in Romanian) Daca Ai Cap, Iei Altceva (If you're smart, buy something else)

Dodge:
Doddering Old Dudes Get Excited

Ferrari:
Fragile, Expensive Rides Repel All Reasonable Individuals

Fiat:
Fix It Again, Tony*

Ford:
Fix Or Repair Daily*
Found On Road Dead

GMC:
Great, More Crap

Holden:
Horrible Old Lump of Decrepit Engineering Nonsense

Honda:
Has Only Normal, Dull Attributes
Horsepower Option Never Did Appear
Had One, Never Did Again

Hummer:
Huge, Usually Male Member Enlarger Replacement

Hyundai:
Hope You Understand No Dependable Autos Included

Jaguar:
Jerks Are Giving Unasked Advice Regularly
Just Another Gearbox Under Annual Repair
Jesus! Another Ghastly, Unbelievably Annoying Repair

Jeep:
Just Expect Excessive Problems

Kia:
Korean Idiot's Attempt

Lamborghini:
Less Able Men Buy Only Really Gaudy High-priced Italian Narcissism Implements

Land Rover:
Lame Americans Need Dumb, Really Oversized Vehicles, England Realized

Lexus:
Luxury Equipment Xeroxed, Used Seldom

Lincoln:
Luxury Is Now Cheesy On Latest Navigators

Lotus:
Lightness Out; Tubbiness Ubiquitous, Sadly

Maserati:
Mechanically Adept Souls Expect Repairs All Times, Indefinitely

Maybach:
Mercedes, And Yet Buyers Almost Completely Hypothetical

Mazda:
Mainstream Ads, "Zoom-Zoom" Denote Apathy

Mercedes-Benz:
Mechanical Engineers Regret Choices, Especially Designing Expensive Stuff, But Executives Need Zillions

Mercury:
Massive Engines Run Curiously Underpowered Rolling Yawnbarges

Mini:
Metrosexual Idiots Need Instructions

Mitsubishi:
Mechanics Investigate Trouble, Some Understand, But It's Sure Had It

Morgan:
Merkin-Owning Rich Geezers Are (the) Norm

Nissan:
Nasty Import Styles Seem All Normal

Oldsmobile:
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Making Others Behind Incessantly Late Everyday

Pagani:
Prissy Aristocrats Gather Accumulated Net Income

Pontiac:
Ponderous, Old, Noisy? These Indicate Attributes, Clearly

Porsche:
Pricks Or Rich Shitheads Can Have ?Em

Rolls-Royce:
Rich Old Lame Louts Still Run Over Your Childhood Expectations

Saab:
Sadly Absent, Always Broken

Saturn:
Slow And Tasteless: Upgrade Right Now!
Simpletons Attracted To Unconventional Retail Network

Scion:
Stupid Children Ignoring Ordinary Notions
Sad Cars Inspire Only Nausea

Smart:
Smug Men Are Really Tiny

Subaru:
Shift Up, Because Always Revs Unnecessarily

Suzuki:
Sadly Uninspired Zip Ultimately Kills It

Tesla:
Technology Excesses Seem Lame, Actually

Toyota:
Totally Ordinary Yawn-Optimizing Tedious Autos

Volkswagen:
Very Ordinary Looking Krautwagons Saddled With Apathetic German Engineering Now

Volvo:
Violation Of Law: Vehicular Obesity
Vacuous Owners Love Vehicular Oddities

Very creative, I like :).