Look out your kitchen window. Your patio furniture is all wrecked to shit, isn't it? I know, that last BBQ of yours got out of hand. Shots were fired. Enter the $3,500 bulletproof polo from Miguel Caballero's Black Label Collection, just the thing you need to protect your neck* while flippin' burgs and refilling the cooler. It may look like a regular-ass polo, but oh no -- underneath that 100% cotton exterior comes three different levels of bullet protection. Me? I want the one that can stop a cannonball.

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJ
OPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

*Protection actually starts just below the neck.

Miguel Caballero Bulletproof Men's Polo Shirt - Men's Polo Shirts FREE SHIPPING!

Yea but harry what if the shot you in the face?

Great, it stops a bullet. Now how does it distribute the force of the impact? It does me no good if the bullet stops but I die of internal bleeding because the shirt doesn't distribute the force of the impact at all. The nice thing about a vest is it helps absorb and distribute the impact, especially if there's plating.

Douchebags can pop their collars and live. Well there's always their head....